I don't deserve this.

Have you ever looked at your life and thought, I don't deserve this? 

There are two reasons one might have this thought. Either they feel they are deserving of more or they feel they are unworthy of what they have been given. Here are two people who are at opposing sides of this sentiment:

Person #1: Judas
I won't go into all of the details assuming you know a little bit of the man I am referring to. He was one of the 12 disciples. He walked with Jesus. He learned from Jesus. He did life with Jesus. But he was left with the thought I don't deserve this... I deserve more! 


Perhaps he didn't like the lifestyle Jesus lived by; relying on God to provide for each meal, trusting God to open a door, literally, for each night's sleep. We know Judas was the treasurer for the group. His eyes were on the money, but the dangerous element in the equation was that his mind was also on the money. He thought MONEY. And he developed the sentiment that he deserved more than he was receiving. We know the story. This sentiment led him down a sketchy path of betrayal for some silver coins. And it was all wrapped up and sealed with a kiss on the cheek.

Person #2: The Women
That's right. This person was not specifically named. She was that lowly. That insignificant. Or was she? You see, she didn't need to be identified by name, because she never made it about herself. It was about Jesus. That was the name she wanted to be remembered.

You may have heard this story as well. She was a sinful person. She knew it and so did everyone else. But she came in uninvited and unwanted to a house where Jesus was eating with the thought I don't deserve this. Others had the same thought. The man who owned the house thought, "If this man (Jesus) were a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She's a sinner!" She doesn't deserve this! That man, Simon the Pharisee, was right and so was this woman, she didn't deserve to touch Jesus, to even wash his feet. But her act of worship was also all wrapped up and sealed with a kiss -- no, numerous kisses, on Jesus' feet.

When a certain immoral woman from that city heard he was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume. Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them. (Luke 7:37-38)

Judas and this nameless woman lived very different lives. One literally lived in the shadows of Jesus, the Son of God. The other lived in the shadows far, far away from Jesus. Yet both had the thought I don't deserve this. Both showed their affection to Jesus with a kiss. One was a kiss of pride and betrayal, personifying the utter dissatisfaction with his life. He deserved more! The other was a kiss of complete humility and loyalty. She didn't deserve His love or His acceptance, so she was going to pour her love and worship on Him because of His love and acceptance.

Which person are you today? Are you betraying Jesus with a kiss of pride and contempt thinking you deserve more? Or are you humbly worshipping Jesus with a kiss of loyalty knowing you don't deserve a single thing He has given you, which is just another reason to pour your love and worship on Him?

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I started this year with the goal to be in a place of my own by 2016. And with God's help, I have accomplished that goal. I am so excited that in about 2 weeks I will be moving into this home. When I set this goal I didn't really know what the result would look like. I didn't know if I would end up in an apartment, a pre-existing home, or what. I have been blessed with the opportunity to get a new home. I keep thinking to myself I don't deserve this. God has truly blessed me with this opportunity, so all I can do is give him honor and praise. He is always looking out for me. He is a good, good Father. Remember that. He gives the best to His kids. Love You, God.

*** I also owe a huge amount of thanks to my parents for all of their help and guidance through the whole process. Seriously, they are way too much. Just another example of how good God is to give me such amazing and loving parents.

For real, I don't deserve this life I have. Any of it. But I am so thankful for it.